Insanity
by Life-Is-Insanity
Summary: AU. After the disastrous events of Egypt, in which Sam died, Bumblebee now spends his days in his head, thinking of ways he could have saved his best friend.


**_Edited: 09.19.10_**

_AU. After the disastrous events of Egypt, in which Sam died, Bumblebee now spends his days in his head, thinking of ways he could have saved his best friend._

_**Disclaimer: Transformers belongs to Hasbro and DreamWorks. I own nothing and am simply having fun with the characters/ settings. I promise not to break them.

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_**Insanity**_

_By: Life-is-Insanity

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_Sitting in an empty room,_

_Trying to forget the past,_

_This was never meant to last,_

_I wish it wasn't so._

_-Linkin Park, __**'Waiting for the End to Come."

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**_

The walls were cold and hard, the room filled with nothing more then a recharge berth and a small area littered with entertainment cubes, some of which had already started to collect a heavy layer of dust. The white lights gleamed off of the polished metal, but Bumblebee hardly took notice of it nor of anything else in the room. It was not important.

Sitting in a corner, knees drawn up to his chest, Bumblebee stared fixedly at the opposite end of the small room, light blue optics blank, haunted, and unblinking. He had not moved for over thirty orns, not even when Optimus had come to visit him.

_I should have been there, I should have been there, I should have been there__… I could have stopped him from running across the courtyard, I could have covered him while he ran, I could have taken him safely around the battle to Optimus, I could have gunned down Megatron, I could have…I could have…I could have…I should have been there…_

It was a train of thought he repeated to himself a thousand times a breem, ways in which he could have saved Sam or prevent his death. Never changing, never going away. His eternal punishment for failing as a guardian and best friend. It did not matter to him that despite Sam's death, they had miraculously found a way to bring Optimus back to them.

No. The only thing that mattered to the former Scout was that he had failed at protecting his best friend, whom was surely buried and decaying by now. Never to smile or laugh again, or get angry with him, or stutter nervously. Gone, gone for ever. Bumblebee's spark shock in its casing and a fresh wave of pain washed over him.

_I should have been there, I should have been there, I should have been there…._

How long had it been, really, since Sam had been killed? A day? A week? A month? A year? A vorn? The concept of time hardly mattered to him anymore. At first he had tried, really tried, to keep track of the passing breems and joors but then the need had faded to the back of his processor until it had disappeared. What was the point of keeping track, anyway? It was hardly useful to him.

_I could have pulled him out of the way, jumped in front of him, stopped him, stopped him, stopped him…Its all my fault Sam is dead…How could I not have been there?_

He should not have listened to Sam's pleads of escorting his parents to safety. It had not been his job to protect his charges Creators. Stupidity, utter stupidity. He should have thrown them in an abandoned building, ordered them to stay, and followed his best friend. Instead, he had done what his best friend had asked and then watched later, horrified, as Megatron gunned Sam down.

_I am so, so sorry Sam… I should have been there to protect you…_

The hissing of a door and then a pair of heavy foot steps echoed around the room but, again, Bumblebee took scarcely any notices of the sudden noise. None of it mattered.

"Bumblebee? Bumblebee, its Ratchet. How are you feeling?"

Ratchet, the Autobot CMO. He had been there, fighting along side NEST against the Decepticons. Bumblebee gave a small groan. He should have radioed Ratchet to guard Sam until he had arrived.

"I-I should have been there," muttered Bumblebee insanely. "I should have, could have protected Sam, should have been there. Saved and protected him…"

"I know, Bumblebee," said Ratchet sadly, giving the younglings shoulder a squeeze. "I know."

"How could I have not of been there?" Bumblebee stuttered. "I could have pulled him out of the way, saved him, jumped in front of him, saved him, stopped him from running across the courtyard, saved him, saved him, saved him, saved him…"

"I know, Bumblebee," repeated Ratchet. He gestured behind him. "Optimus and I have come to talk to you about something. We believe we've found a way to make you better."

"By-by bring Sam back?" Bumblebee asked wildly. "You found away to bring him back?"

"No, no, Bumblebee, no," answered Optimus quietly. He crouched down to Bumblebee's level but the former Scout barely saw him. All he saw was Sam, laying dead in the sand. "You know that's impossible, Bumblebee."

"Then-then what?" Bumblebee muttered. "Jumped in the way, saved him, jumped in the way, saved him…"

"We promise it is for your own good, okay, Bumblebee?" Ratchet said soothingly. His right arm smoothly transformed into a tool. "And we're only doing it because we care very deeply for you. So I'm just going to put you into recharge. Just relax."

Sam had looked so relax, laying dead in the sand and sun. As though he was simply taking a nap. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. _Suddenly his processor started to go fuzzy and his optics darken. Probably just like Sam's did before he died. _I should have been there…I should have, could have protected him…_

"For your own good…"

_Please, Sam, please forgive me. I'm so sorry._

"Just relax…"

_Sam…

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_

The walls looked warm and inviting, the room filled with various sorts of equipment and recharging berths. Everything looked clean and sterile, not an ounce of dust or filth to be spotted. The lights gleaming off the polished metal, Bumblebee dimply registered that he was in the medbay.

His processor still fuzzy with sleep, Bumblebee released a happy, lazy yawn and, noting he felt slightly stiff, laboriously stretched. Primus, he had not felt this good in vorns.

_memory-banks error._

Bumblebee frowned. While that was strange but before he could ponder on it, a face swam into his optic view. Blinking rapidly, Ratchets face came into sharp focus. The CMO was staring down at him with a solemn expression.

"Bumblebee," greeted the medic. "How are you feeling?"

"I- great," answered Bumblebee and he sat up straight. Standing behind the CMO, with sadly curious looks on their faceplates, were Optimus and Ironhide. Both refused to look him in the optics.

"Wha-what's wrong?" Bumblebee asked fearfully. "You guys look like someone just died. Oh, Primus, it wasn't Cliffjumper, was it?"

"No, Bumblebee, don't worry," said Optimus, coming slowly forward. "No one has died, least of all Cliffjumper."

"Oh, well good," stated Bumblebee, relaxing, then added, "why am I in the medbay?"

_memory-banks error._

"A slight accident, while training," said Ratchet, optics watery. "Ironhide accidentally hit you with a blast from his cannon."

_memory-banks error. _Bumblebee frowned deeply. "That doesn't seem rig-"

"Bumblebee," interrupted Optimus. The Autobot leader stared down at him with a sad, serious look. "I'm going to ask you some questions all right? Simple ones. Just answer as truthfully has you can, okay?"

"Sure," muttered Bumblebee slowly. What was going on?

"Do you remember where you were prier to he medbay?"

"The, uh, Training Room? With Ironhide?" Again, the error message flashed before his optics and Bumblebee had a feeling that his answer had not been correct. But Optimus nodded his head.

"Correct. Do you remember…a place called…Earth?"

The Scout nodded. "Yeah. A watery, blue planet. Its where the All Spark was and we spent a few vorns there. Home of the human race."

"Correct," stated Optimus, dark blue optics watery. "Do you remember a place called Egypt and the events that took place there?"

Again, the error message but harder and more urgent this time. "Yes," answered Bumblebee, confused. "A little country on Earth were we fought the Fallen with NEST. A sandy place with the Pyramids of Giza which hide a Sun Harvester. Its were we brought you back to life."

Bumblebee heard Ironhide release a shaky sigh and then suck in a great vent of air, as though trying to stop himself from crying. The little yellow Scout blinked in shock. What was wrong with everyone?

"Correct," chocked out Optimus. Bumblebee stared at his with wide optics. He had never seen the Autobot leader so upset. "Just one more question, Bumblebee, and then Ironhide will escort you back to your room, okay?"

"Umm, yeah, sure," answered Bumblebee, alarmed.

"Do-do you remember…a human by the name of… Samuel James Witwicky?"

This time the error flashed urgently in front of his optics and practically shock his whole head. _memory-bank error, memory-bank error. _Something fearful and urgent and very important was attached to that weird sounding name. Bumblebee frowned and narrowed his optics. Like it was something vital.

_memory-bank error, memory-bank error, memory-bank error… Should have- blocked…could have- blocked…saved- blocked. ERROR._

"No."

Optimus nodded and turned a way, gripping his hands hard behind his back. "Correct," he said shakily. "Thank-you, Bumblebee. You can go back to your room now and you are relieved from your duties for ten orns, okay?"

Bumblebee hopped nimbly off the recharge berth. "Optimus, sir, what-?"

"Nothing, Bumblebee," stated Optimus. "Nothing of importance. Just go rest."

Feeling more confused then ever, the error message still flashing before his optics, Bumblebee followed a grim Ironhide out into the corridor. He attempted to ask the Weapon Specialist what actually that was all about but all Ironhide would say is that it was nothing and it had been for his own good and he was so sorry.

Later, as Bumblebee laid on his recharge berth, the error message still there, and sifting through his memory banks in an attempt to figure out what was wrong, he came across a curious thing. A still image of a human with brown hair, pale skin, and brown eyes laughing at some unheard joke. Bumblebee twittered in confusion. Why did he have an image of a human chid laughing?

_memory-bank error, memory-bank error, memory-bank error… Should have- blocked…could have- blocked…saved- blocked. ERROR._

_Sa-blocked ERROR._

Bumblebee studied the image for a few more nano-seconds before filing it away and then merely turning the error message off manually.

It probably wasn't important anyway.

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_So, another attempted at angst. How did I do?_

_This is just one of those plot-bunnies that refused to leave me alone. I know there is probably a thousand continuity errors and such, but its AU. So, anything can happen. And take about cold hearted, erasing all of Bumblebee's memories of Sam. That actually wasn't suppose to happen but it just came out that way. Still, I feel bad about writing it. Poor, poor Bumblebee…_

_The Linkin Park lyrics at the beginning are sort of what inspired me to write this quick one-shot. it's a good song. Go take a listen._

_So, review, please. Leave some feedback on how I did and such and I'll give you a cookie. Thank-you._


End file.
